Late-Night Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme
Television's prominent entertainers used the airtime criticizing former President Donald Trump's just launched immigration program, labeled the "golden visa," describing it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.
Colbert's Witty Take
Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas song about the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... destroys everything he handles."
The subject was the new initiative which allows international nationals to purchase U.S. residence for the price of a million dollars, with a "platinum" option for five million. An official portal promises approval "faster than ever."
"A quick message here to wealthy foreigners: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.
He explained that the card is also designed to "get cash" from businesses looking to hire foreign workers, with large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.
"Unprecedented background check the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants truly meet the standard to be in America."
"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary
On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."
"This is a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."
"It might be time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.
Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Struggles
On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll ratings amid economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he said.
This week, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."
"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by targeting conservative media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.
